SPLICE

SPLICE is the reason I go to the movies. If there was ever a "monster movie franchise" destined for a greatness that could even surpass that of the ALIEN franchise--it's SPLICE.

Director Vincenzo Natali comes into his own, with this superb flick. (His first movie I saw was '97's CUBE. Whereas CUBE was "pretty good", SPLICE, on the other hand, gets an A+ and easily vaults Natali onto the same directorial stage as David Cronenberg and Ridley Scott.)

{SPECIES was merely an "OK" movie, if that, at best; at worst, SPECIES may be overlooked as a hackneyed, derivative attempt to capitalize on stereotypical horror/monster movie tropes.}

The movie SPLICE is another sort of hybrid creature altogether. I read some reviews in which the reviewer has stated that this movie is "not what you expect" and "the first kill doesn't even happen until after halfway through" and "it has a lot of envelope-pushing twists", all of this adding up to a "2-and-a-half stars" review; any discerning, intelligent adult should react to this contradictory assessment with a resounding "What?" Because those are all the very reasons I personally find this movie to be grade-A material. What is that reviewer trying to say? That he was disappointed in the fact that he didn't get a formulaic monster movie? You have to ask yourself - does that reviewer honestly feel cheated by being deprived of the comforting formula that he expected -? - -or is he concerned that the average moviegoer will be traumatically derailed from their comfort zone?

So if you need to be comforted by the familiar expectation of having your regular buttons pushed (in other words, if movies for you are like a prescription for Xanax) then go right ahead and eschew this dark, intelligent, and original movie in favor of the next typical horror movie remake. I'm sure the new Nightmare on Elm Street should pacify your dependency and leave your grey cells alone and undisturbed.

SPLICE is altogether unconcerned with suckling the masses on the soporific teat of narcotic expectations, and therefore stands out amidst the rest of the pack as a truly original hybrid beast of moviegoing pleasures. Although the premise of two geneticists working together as a couple does stretch the believability index a tad, Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley nonetheless are excellent as the scientists splicing genes to mine pharmaceutical breakthroughs for their corporate bosses. What I found particularly liberating about the SPLICE moviegoing experience, is that since the premise itself is already outlandish (the modern fabrication of genetic chimeras), this grants the audience a "suspension-of-disbelief pass" which helps pave the way towards many of the plot's twists and turns.

SPLICE has a motherlode of subtext and innuendo sure to spark the imagination of any creative intellect. Rather than settling for being just another typical monster movie, it is instead more focused on being a psychological thriller concerned with the nuclear family unit and the evolution of species. You thought Ridley Scott's ALIEN was a psychological thriller? Compared to SPLICE, even the original ALIEN appears as just another monster movie, in some respects. Here is your bonafide, genuine psychological, anthropomorphic, and mythological monster movie, which in my humble and honest opinion, trumps the achievements of such classic fare as ALIEN, etc.

The superb special effects (rendered in part by Gregory Nicotero, now considered one of the best in the field) are only the icing on the proverbial cake. You don't disbelieve what your eyes are seeing for a minute. The mercurial, chimeric creation the scientists end up naming "Dren" leaps onto the silver screen as the most original special effect I've seen since Gollum.

SPLICE should keep the attentive and at least semi-literate audience members riveted to the edges of their seats throughout its entire running time. One of its many charms is the fact that you just don't know what Dren is going to do from one moment to the next, or how she/it will react to the array of brand-new stimuli ushered into the circle of her newborne consciousness.

SPLICE is also a very thoughtful exploration of the imbalance which exists in the scientific mindset. I read yet another reviewer make the blatant criticism that this movie is "about the two dumbest scientists ever"; for me to point out the very meat-headedness of this assessment really pains me, but I must do so, because that criticism is yet another citation which should serve as one of the movie's countless strengths, as far as I'm concerned. The whole point there, is obviously to show hows specialization creates an imbalance. Sure the scientists have really high IQ's, but their wisdom is severely lacking. In other words, they make terrific, star geneticists, but terrible parents. This is just one of the movie's many metaphors, which symbolizes humanity's faults as well as it's virtues.

Therefore, the story of the creation of Dren becomes the story of humanity itself. Clive and Elsa (played admirably by Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley respectively) become symbolic of Adam and Eve, and the unexpected plot development traces a complex map that touches upon many psychological and mythological truths. This is the primary reason that, for me personally, the couple of plot points I predicted ended up becoming a decidedly rewarding experience, rather than your typical "I saw that coming a mile away" which plagues the average formulaic movie. With SPLICE, if it didn't end the way I expected it to, I would be disappointed.

Thankfully for me, this movie delivered the goods with a satisfying finality that I rarely, if ever, encounter in this type of movie. So what kind of movie is it, you ask? It's a chimerical sort of cinematic creation in and of itself: part science-fiction, part horror movie, part psychological/mythological drama/comedy, SPLICE is a movie I'd like to own on DVD, and I'm hoping that it's released in its uncut, original version showcased at Sundance, that I heard about.

In short, if you're looking to have all your familiar buttons pushed and be soothed by yet another monster movie with a body count, avoid SPLICE and go see the new Freddy movie. But if you're looking for an unpredictable movie with killer creature effects, "envelope-pushing plot twists", and a deeply thought out psychomythological subtext, then SPLICE is the movie for you.

KICK-ASS

I enjoyed the movie KICK-ASS, for what should be obvious reasons, assuming it's a given that we all know what this movie is about. It's about the simple idea a lot of us have invariably had, and has caused us to ponder, when will they make a movie involving people who dress up like comic book "superheroes" and fight crime...in a manner which accounts for a bit more realism? I'm sure most comic-book, action-movie fans such as myself have long wished for a more realistic exploration of the pros and cons, the benefits and consequences, of actually going out there and, as McGruff once put it, "taking a bite out of crime". Well, the wait is over: KICK-ASS is here.

And yes--it arrives not without its controversy. A friend of mine who normally is "gung ho" about this sort of flick, has expressed zero interest in seeing it-(!!)-presumably on account of its characterization of an 11-yr old girl who swears up a storm and kills a lot of people in it. I have to admit, the movie is indeed quite disturbing, really, in that respect. (The actress, Chloe Moretz, is thirteen now, I believe, and yes, she steals the show.)

The very fact Hollywood dared to go through with this mostly (in the comic, Hit Girl is 8; in the movie, she's 11) is pretty sweet, if you ask me. (Although I'm not entirely sure what, exactly, making her 3 yrs older achieves.) 11 is still pre-teen, and it's a good thing they stuck with that premise--of a preteen girl trained to be an assassin by her Dad--otherwise, the over-arching point the premise is trying to make would've been compromised. So I have to hand it to Hollywood, or, should I say, to the moviemakers that brought us KICK-ASS, for having the guts to keep Hit Girl a preteen, and to stay true to her filthy, corrupted mouth. It's a necessary "slap in the face" which must accompany this movie's "wake up call" about the problem of how to properly tackle crime in our society.

That said, I'm afraid the movie falls short of thoroughly following through with the complex and mature question of morality vs. violence in modern society. That said, this flaw did not even come close to ruining what turned out to be a flat-out entertaining spin on the superhero comic movie, to me.

It has far too much going for it to bankrupt its overall charm and small achievements. Namely, you've got a really likeable protagonist in the actor who portrays KICK-ASS, Aaron Johnson. He is a natural at capturing your typical brainy, grade-A student that most gum-chewing chicks would overlook in their high school halls, despite not being a bad-looking guy, really. Him and his two chums provided an entertaining and more-realistic-than-not crew of normal, bright high schoolers. I always enjoy movies that depict high school in a certain light, and KICK-ASS is no exception. There are some rich rewards to be had, insofar as the various high school relationships depicted. And when our soon-to-be hero actually orders his dorky costume and heads out into the street for some real action, the tension is palpable and you can feel the excitement as if you were really there. This movie also features some real twists and turns which play with audience expectations, in a very satisfying manner. (To say more would be to venture into "spoiler" territory; so don't worry, I won't got there.)

But the movie really picks up when it becomes evident that there is a "superhero" duo that has actually been actively killing mobsters long before KICK-ASS decided to don the suit. And this is where the real heart of the story forms itself: Nicholas Cage portrays Big Daddy--the true crime-fighter of the city, who has committed himself to having trained his pre-adolescent daughter Mindy into becoming a stone-cold killer and martial arts/weapons expert: Hit Girl. Hit Girl is the very soul of this movie; hence, if the idea of a little girl swearing like a sailor and viciously murdering thugs by the dozen turns you off--well, you are going to have a real problem with this movie. Because, like I said, Hit Girl is the soul of KICK-ASS.

If she's the movie's soul, then the high school dude who becomes the street-hero KICK-ASS, is its heart; and, naturally, the Nic Cage character Big Daddy--is the brains.

Because what you have here, is nothing less than a pretty wry commentary on society's tolerance, and presupposed intolerance of, crime and violence. *mild set-up spoilers to follow, nothing to really ruin it for you though*: It quite cleverly presents Big Daddy as an ex-cop with a vendetta against a local NYC mobster (played with chilling realism by Mark Strong, the actor who played the bad guy in Sherlock Holmes recently). Big Daddy's yearning for the vengeance of his slain wife (Hit Girl's Mom) is so passionate that he has extended it, obviously, into his own young daughter, and forged of the shattered remains of their once-happy nuclear unit, a cold-blooded killing machine, a "superhero duo" whose lives are dedicated to taking out this one mobster, by starting at the fringes of his mob, and gunning down and/or stabbing to death all his men, virtually carving their way towards his door, to ultimately take him down for the murder of their matriarch. i.e, I say "cleverly" because, obviously, it takes the pretense of waging violence against such criminal scum seriously: if one's dedication to such a premise as that is strong enough to withstand the indoctrination of their own daughter, then you know they mean business.

Whether its right or wrong is partially left up to the audience to decide. It's presented as a thorny problem with no clear black or white throughout most of this movie. (To reveal what happens would be to really spoil it for you, so I won't do that.) All I can do is suggest that the movie KICK-ASS follows through with its premise, and even if it does so predictably, one cannot deny that it is a hell of an entertaining ride, from start to finish. It's at once campy and realistic, hilarious and tragic, as well as incisive and clumsy. The acting is good from most of the cast, with the possible exception of Nic Cage--I think he should try something different than his "mannered speech" which seems an attempt to pass for acting; but I personally didn't let this questionable acting tactic ruin what otherwise was a spectacular and fun time at the movies. Besides--I happen to have a soft spot for Nic Cage, based on his old days as a cool movie star (see: Wild At Heart, etc)--and furthermore, the character Big Daddy kinda grows on you by the time things get heated up. I couldn't help but be charmed, ultimately, by the interplay between Big Daddy and Hit Girl, and the legacy they help forge together.

As a clear and well-thought out statement about vigilantism, I personally recommend the movie KICK-ASS as mandatory viewing. It escalates the premises set formerly by such movies (DEATH WISH, THE DARK KNIGHT, etc) and, in combining the controversy of vigilantism with comic book superhero conventions, KICK-ASS offers a delightful escapism that collides against a reinforced, brick wall of confrontation with the reality of organized crime. As such, I consider this movie to be among the most important installments in exploring this territory, regardless of its (very few) flaws.

This is one of the best movies I've seen in a while, because it's humorous, shocking, actually disturbing--and wildly entertaining. The fact it is (obviously) being "down-played" even now while I type this out and it continues its (sure to be limited) run in theaters, lends me the confidence to suggest that it certainly outdoes WATCHMEN insofar as driving home its point.

Whereas WATCHMEN (the movie) failed largely due to a "by numbers" approach at grandiosity (not to mention having failed at the box-office, its major fault insofar as having unintentinally set a precedent for blacklisting R-rated superhero movies in the future), KICK-ASS hits the bull's-eye by cutting through such pretensiousness, and presenting likeable and believable characters (I admit the premise of an 11-yr old girl posing a threat to organized mobsters seems ludicrous on the surface; but I have to say the movie pulls it off beautifully, if only by a hair's breadth) in a realistic setting that provides many pleasing and shocking moments, as well as a general sense of excitement while we identify with most of the characters and situations. And quite significantly (assuming KICK-ASS breaks through the profit margin, something that seems inevitable at this point), director Matthew Vaughn will have one-upped Zack Snyder by reinstating the case for Hollywood to consider, that R-rated superhero movies just might not be such a bad idea, after all. In short, here is the bottom line:

KICK-ASS kicks ass.

Alice In Wonderland

I'm still thinking about it. How great it was. As an adaptation of the original Lewis Carroll works. A most brilliant and slithy mind, indeed, it took, to seamlessly merge Carroll's two books.

The embellishments added as an after thought, made the tickets worth what they were bought. That Mad Hatter's platters, the rats on the table, the caterpillar, the Cheshire cat, the role-reversal fable.

Johnny Depp brought humanity and a certain dignity to his character. He did a bang up job of it, I must admit. The Haterz & Detractors, on this one, are sooo full of it. What IS it about this movie y'all don't get?

WTF, Chuck? It must Really Suck, Growing Up. Whatever. This movie's clever. What did you say, Sir? That it's transgressive? I beg to differ; it's subversive. And I found it quite inventive.

How it paralleled the metamorphosis 'tween a teen's post-adolescence & a catterpillar skin's obsolescence, was nothing short of brilliance. I must confess, this film's detractors appear to be a mess. But I digress. The script, the acting, the cinematography, the sets: I have to admit, I was impressed.

The subtleties evoked by the Queen's split aspects. Bayard the Bloodhound stealing the show. And Crispin Glover is the Knave of Hearts--did you know? If the Bandersnatch doesn't steal your breath away, the Jabberwocky should, on this Frabjous Day.

Tweedledum and Tweedledee are something you should really see. (Not to mention the voice of the Jabberwocky is provided by no one less than Christopher Lee.) About all I can think of to wrap all this up, is there's more to this film than will fit in a cup.

Overflowing with wonder and originality, it's curious to me, that some cannot see, what I find to be, most sincerely, an imaginative update of this dearest old story. Most curious, indeed.

From my stance at my unkempt table, you are politely invited to disagree. For what I find to be most sublime about us all, is our very differences, you see. I wouldn't dream of being you (heaven's no); and I would never wish the nightmare of being me, upon anyone I know.

So if you (mistakenly) happen to think that I want you all to agree (with me), then I'm happy to say (heavens to Betsy) that's not why I'm here, today. I just wanted to point out (in case you were wondering) that some folks enjoyed Tim Burton's movie (despite or because of its blundering). I just happen to be (one of those folks) most easily entertained (by inside jokes).

The moral to be found in this review, is that you should never let critics tell you what you should do. (I'm not really that prone to criticize, why waste too much energy on things you despise?) So take it from me, if you're tired of the same old story, yet crave a certain familiarity, then off to the cineplex rabbit-hole you should go, and at once (don't delay, if you don't mind my saying so)!